To all of my Xanga friends, readers, and anyone else unfortunate enough to have stumbled across my antics here please do me a favour por favor. I've been trying to get my ass in gear, back on my feet so to speak and return to Xanga. There has to be a few dozen zany crazy fucked up tales rattling around in my head that need to be told but for some reason it's as if a curse or some evil force has prevented me from entering Xanga. I don't believe in that word or diagnosis called "Depression" but something has surely captured my poor innocent fun loving and creative side. Maybe the evil has also kidnapped and murdered the muse that once whispered sweet nothings into my ear which means it needs to be hunted down and deserves a good old fashioned Dickdoktor shit kickin' before I slit it's throat. For many months I've wanted to get back here and say "Hi" to everyone so this absence has caused me a lot of grief. I'm not without a soul believe it or not and I care about many people in here.
I'm beginning to wonder if this bullshit has anything to do with the fact I've cut down drinking. Yes, I'm just full of amazing tricks when I need to do certain things but avoiding Xanga like the plague for so long and the reason why has me baffled. Something is very wrong and the only solution I can think of to rectify my problem is to get mad. I've been known to use this to my advantage - it's like my secret super power. A foreman at work had some fun with me one day out in Calgary. He decided to put on a show for the other 9 guys on our concrete crew. Ned told me after lunch that I'd be staying in Calgary to run another crew and not going back up to Ft. MacMurray that summer. I had a little woman up there that desperately wanted me back and I kinda' sorta' missed her too. OK, it was a teeny bit more than that but besides her I'd miss out on some fantastic fishing in the Athabasca River. When Ned gave me the news I blew a fucking gasket, saw red --- went ballistic. I grabbed a trowel, went back to work finishing the 1700 feet of sidewalk in this desolate ungrateful muddy subdivision. Cursing and hissing like a rabid pirate changed to working like a demon on meth. I grabbed a shovel and did the rookie's job, ran back, did the straightening, flew up to the concrete mixer, dumped more crete. When I had that placed I decided to go way, way back and strip forms. The 2" x 6" 12 foot long forms began sailing through the air like javelins onto a pile. They're fucking lucky I didn't set them on fire that day. Like a psychotic driven machine I had done 9 guys jobs for about half an hour and then I heard Ned burst into laughter. He had lied to me just to get a rise and show the other guys what a maniac I can be when I'm pissed. He also warned them to never come near me, run for cover if my nostrils are flared up and I look like a mad bull ready to charge and stomp your guts out. Now that's what happens when I'm pretty ticked. When I get full blown angry, that's an entirely different thing to see. A guy threatened and assaulted my sister when she worked in Lake Louise. I'm still trying many years later to get the attempted murder charge off of my criminal record ~~ even though I realize it'll do no good to help me get into the States. I still keep trying though and for good reason.
Some of you know I went a bit nuts - OK - I had a complete meltdown after Annie (Diaryofapsychopath aka TheDarkCreature) departed Xanga. Well, the great news is she's doing fine and everything has returned to normal with us, (as far as normal goes) If it weren't for her abilities to harass, threaten, and in general make my life a bit fun I'd probably have put a slug in my head ages 2 years ago. There's also a few other Xangans I owe many thanks to. Do I need to post the names? You know who you are and I hope you remember. Just because I'm not in here doesn't mean I've forgotten about any of you. I still love ya' I'm like Santa Claus with his shit list of naughty or nice. You really should feel sorry for Santa by the way. He's the only guy I know that empties his sack only once a year! hahahahahaha ! My diabolical little mind is working. I hope I break free from this joint or whatever it is that has had me in Limbo Land preventing me from writing and associating with some of the nicest people I've met electronically. Send threats, cursing at me may help, - do something to get me pissed so I'm able to fight this fucking demon. Just don't tell me that "Sticky's" back or I'll puke.
My last post --- is being continued here! Hahahahaha !
How ironic! I should give myself a slap for letting the previous entry get posted when it was nowhere near done -- right after I mention something about being aware. My little faux pas had nothing to do with beer or any other stimulants by the way. A nurse showed up here unexpectedly and in my haste to get my pants on, hide the contraband, stash the empties then answer the door I goofed. (better mark that down in my book) The damn thing is I hadn't edited this and still had a ton of other things to beak off about. Now it's after midnight and I'm going to finish this but don't be surprised if my usual calm, cool, collected self finds a way to go off on a tangent or some significant rant. It's been extremely hot and humid around here for weeks so I have a well stocked beer fridge and out of the wild blue a guy that owed me a few shekels from awhile back popped by to repay me and he was nice enough to bring me ........... well, let's just say my version of a "stimulus package"
Thank fuck Wild Bill got here after the nurse had left. The very first day that she visited to check things out began with her asking me about 40 questions - the same 40 questions that I'd answered the day before to some flunkie in her office. When I asked her about this, mentioned that 90% of the information was probably right at their fingertips in the office computer from previous visits she became a bit huffy. Actually, she became a fucking snotty bitch but I didn't care. I was in a terrific mood, just having some fun with her. How could I resist for fuck snakes! My doctor had called their office a week before explaining that I needed to be seen by a nurse immediately, if not sooner and it only took a fucking week or so to get here. I get grilled on the phone for almost an hour then told I'm supposed to go over to their office. WRONG. One of the first things I told the bone head on the phone was the simple fact that I can't walk worth a fuck, I'm not feeling well so the nurse has to visit me here - like my doctor requested. My little reminders (cracks) about her office having a couple of useless pricks running it, being a week late getting here, showing up unannounced, -- no phone call to me -- may have ticked her off a bit. It's too bad really because I was just having some fun, was in a great mood to boot. Believe me, I'm just as shocked when I'm in a decent mood but there was a very logical reason for my state of rapture. The night before was pretty uneventful and I spent most of it snoozing until midnight. I woke up - made a really stiff "Cowboy Coffee" then grabbed a cigar and noticed that I was all bright eyed and bushy tailed, just raring to go. At exactly four past midnight the phone rang and I had a very nice conversation with "You Know Who." She is going to remain nameless in my posts if I do mention her. (Don't ask.) Anyways, did you notice that I didn't write anything to the effect that I was surprised when she called? I wasn't surprised because this wasn't the first time that's happened in the past little while but that's another story. For those of you who don't know what I'm stammering on about - imagine losing your best friend, your dog, your favorite kid if you have more than one. Then imagine how happy you'd be if that kid/person/dog - suddenly returned! Yep, I was in a fine mood until this bitch of a nurse decided to turn on her charm and put me in my place. On a good day I can change from being the nicest guy into a fucking monster in a blink so believe me, she had her hands full when I started playing with her.
Nurse: "If you don't want to answer these questions I can just put down that you're being uncooperative and leave!"
ME: I never said I wouldn't answer them. I'm just wondering how many more times you and the next nurse or some other fuck up is going to ask them?"
Nurse: I can just leave, report you as being "noncompliant"
Me: Don't let the door hit that fat ass on your way out. I have sensitive hearing, a smack like that would sound like a 500 pound guy doing a belly flop from 10 stories up. Oh, I'd call you a C_ _T but, alas a C_ _T is useful. By the way, "Noncompliant" is a username I have in a blog site. HEHEHEHE!!!! See ya' later!"
Hell. I didn't get to tell this nurse how ridiculous things have been around here. Maybe I'll ask you guys what you think about some of these issues.
For starters, on top of being damned sleepy and tired I've been eating like an animal! Here's a list of what I devour in one day.
2 or 3 eggs poached or over easy 2 slices toast with PB or jam big glass juice 2 bowls of raisin bran or corn flakes coffee (s)
One hour later
cup of trail mix or granola 2 bowls of oatmeal with a ton of brown sugar orange/apple/banana protein shake with one egg and honey, peanut butter
around noon 4 tuna sandwiches with lettuce/mayo bowl of homemade spaghetti - has mushrooms, peppers, ground beef etc. apples, banana trail mix 2 oe 3 pieces toast & jam
All afternoon - Trail Mix - toast and jam x 3, milk, apple, couple of hot dogs, -- anything I get my hands on.
All night - Trail mix, yogurt, raisins, toast & jam, couple more bowls of cereal, crackers & cheese. (sit down with PB and have with 20 crackers)
Around 2 AM, have big plate of spaghetti.
Around 4 or 5 AM -- 10 oz. strip loin steak, potato, hot peppers, mixed veggies, yogurt. Big bowl of cereal with yogurt on it.
My 4 AM snack
Guess I should have mentioned that I'm only 5' 7" tall - My fighting weight was 155 lbs. so when I suddenly dropped about 27 lbs. in March I was pretty worried but didn't panic. Around that time I was still upset, going fuckin' bonkers worrying and wondering about "You Know Who" so I just kind of ignored losing about 1/6th of my body weight. It took until June 1st before I actually realized something pretty fucked up has been playing havoc with my health and here's the funny part. Justin Bieber is responsible for that fateful day!! (I'm exaggerating of course - I'm not that fucking dense)
This post is getting a wee bit long so I'll just lay out the basics. I was out doing a bunch of errands, decided to take a break in the bar downtown. It use to be my old hang-out, the pool hall where I pretty well grew up. I plopped down a 5, ordered an extra spicy Caesar and asked why the pool tables in the back were roped off. The bar wench gave me a filthy look and just walked away after giving me my drink. Ignorant fuck. Her "second in command" behind the bar - some burly looking lumberjack type informed me that there was a private party renting all of the pool tables so no one was allowed back there today. Good enough for me so I sat back, my shades on and my hat pulled down -- relaxed and it wasn't 30 seconds later I see this hand swipe my drink that I hadn't even touched and then my 5 dollar bill is thrown at me. The next thing I know there's 3 gorilla's surrounding me. Imagine mutant bodybuilders in full roid rage decending upon me! One of them mumbled something - said I can't sleep in the bar. If I was asleep when I leaned back for that 30 seconds or so - how in the fuck did I see the bitch snatch my drink? The next thing I know I'm being marched towards the exit but on the way my Hungarian/Scottich ire kicks in and I just said "Fuck this" -- put my right foot out, grabbed the guy on my right in mid-stride and tossed him to the floor like a sack of shit. The other two neanderthals were so startled they backed off and I let them know in no uncertain terms that if they made another move towards me it would be the last fucking thing they ever did. I was so wound up, ready to take this guys eyes and throat out I barely noticed the crowd outside and a couple of reporters peering through the window. Then I hear the kids chanting for Bieber as I'm walking away cursing like a rabid pirate. Nothing like a fight or at least the prospect of a brawl to get the old adrenaline going.
Being around people these days is pretty risky business for me without a doubt. Last week I got a bit snarky with a Newfie woman that works at the corner store where I buy necessities. This ignorant moron has the manners of a rabid sow beast. She yaps on the phone, ignores people until she's good and ready to ring your purchases up, ---- still on the phone,--- makes errors and tells her " Fuckwit Boyfriend" she has to go for a minute to clear up a "customer problem" I couldn't help overhear her bitching and whing about paying $70.00 for an ethernet cable last week so I piped up and mentioned that I had found a great place that has all kinds of that stuff and it delivers for free too! My next move, told her I bought a new Fujifilm camera. Well holy shit! Next thing I know, she has the same camera. Bought it for her 10 year old kid. The one that can't tell the difference between peanut butter, chocolate or snot on his lips and face so he eats it all!!! Yes, you paid $600.00 for the kid's camera - the same one as mine. Funny thing. I never fucking said what model of camera or what the fuck I paid for it either. Lying sack of shit. One thing I can't stand is liars - and this pathetic excuse for a moron was way out of her league trying to bullshit me. I've heard some of the best cons and scams from dirt bags that make a living at it, had an old lady once that could charm and smooth over doctors to get narcotics weeks before she was due. Even in full tilt junkie withdrawls she'd lay it on slicker than greese through a goose. I'm not even going to mention the really bad people I know.
In the past few months I've gone through some kind of behavioral metamorphosis I think. I can count the number of times I've laughed since December on one hand but would need a full time bookkeeper to keep tabs on the number of times I've been pissed off. I've tried to figure out why I almost enjoy these little skirmishes I seem to have with people on a regular basis and have no answers. My explosive temper and the mind numbing barrage of insults, cursing, threats and on occassion physical violence was usually a very rare event. Ok, not rare event but at least I tried to keep things in check. Maybe I have some sort of chemical imbalance or bad wiring in my head that causes me to lash out at rude, useless, incompetent, worthless bastards. You know. About 60% of the population. He he he he he !!! And "You Know Who" calls me a mean old bastard! I am not old! Not in my mind anyway!!!
Some of you may have noticed that I've been AWOL for some time. Congratulations for being so astute! OK kids, just kidding. I know you all have busy lives and sometimes keeping in touch with everyone can be a difficult task. For the past few months I haven't been myself - physically you bastards. I'm not going insane although I've heard that a few bets were placed on that option by a few people discussing my whereabouts. To make a long story short, I was so messed up I couldn't walk 10 feet to grab a coffee or a beer and I'd get tired and have to sit down. That was just the beginning of this bullshit. I'd sleep 8 hours, wake up and do a few necessary things for about 120 minutes and then be so tuckered out, fall asleep again for another 7 or 10 hours. I dropped 25 pounds in about a month even though I was eating like two horses, ~~ have been one cranky, nasty, son of a bitch too. It may be a good thing that I haven't been around Xanga much lately. I'm sure I could have found some trouble, raised all kinds of shit if I wanted to. Hell, I've been banned, kicked out of almost every store and shop around here. I don't give a fuck who you are - if you piss me off you'd get a blast from me that would curl your teeth. Even my mother won't talk to me most days - and she's known for years I've had a wild temper and put up with my antics. This new me isn't very nice, put it that way. Hell, I'm even beginning to worry about this and that's something I never do.
I called my doctor on Friday July 8th when I was in real distress - got his e-mail address and sent him some photos and a description with my diagnosis of what might be wrong. About 10 minutes later his nurse called me, told me to get to the pharmacy, go to the hospital for x-rays and other tests. Imagine that. My busy doctor that I rarely see didn't hesitate, wait until the end of the day to call in the tests or prescriptions, - he had it all done immediately. Obviously something is seriously wrong but I won't know what it is until I get up and see him.
If you think I'm looking for sympathy by mentioning some of the facts above, you're on the wrong track. (that's putting it mildly) When I was in the hospital and nearly dead/died back in 2007, in that coma for 13 weeks then in the damned hospital for another 8 months -- I knew that every day that I got from that point on was a bonus. Believe me, I've found how to appreciate very small things and accept more, - it was a very humbling experience. When I smile you know it's an honest grin, when I'm pissed off, you know there's a decent reason for that to happen too. Sometimes I wonder why so many things have become crystal clear to me when I see others running around like retarded sheep looking for answers. Maybe it takes a huge shock or wake up call to smarten some people up. Most people will never have one so without trying to sound like a dick, here's a tiny bit of advice
Be aware. Don't take small things for granted. Look and listen to people that you care about. Keep your "Spidey Senses" on all of the time and notice what's going on around you - with yourself at all times. We are all creatures of habit so if and when you notice anything out of the ordinary that sets off an alarm, do take note and investigate. People do change over time and that natural evolution isn't going to be as evident or startling as a two dollar hooker looking for a marriage proposal.
Therefore, I figure you deserve some sort of explanation as to why I've been absent
Looks like my perseverance, threats, cursing and diabolical charm has paid off kids!
I just received a message from Coach Customer Services and they are dealing with this. See, sometimes the squeaky wheel does get the grease - or in this case, the spammers in hot fucking water. Take that ya' Bastards!!
Who says "No good deed shall go unpunished?" I'm off to the Beer Store! Yeeeee Hawwwwww!!
Good morning ladies and gentiles.
I'm sure many of you are well aware of the problems SPAM causes. I'm not going to pussy foot around and suggest to do this or do that. Nope. You deal with that shit and mung your way and I will continue to be a thorn in spammers sides by utilizing my methods. Believe it or not when you call up the head office of some company and inform them that certain lowlife spammers are plastering ads of their products all over certain websites they seem surprised. In no uncertain terms I cleared up a lot of things and sincerely expressed how I feel about their ads ruining people's posts and even worse, getting me even further pissed off.
I've got enough to deal with and the last thing I need is some flunkie on the phone lying, weaseling, backtracking and playing dumb when I explain things. I don't speak "idiot" was about the only thing I'm sure the now tearful lackie understood from the barrage of insults and various demented curse words that I screamed at her.
Here's today's spamming culprit and the comments I left on their hijacked real estate in Xanga.
You know that old saying "There's more to this than what meets the eye." and of course everyone has heard "A cloud with a silver lining."
Both of those little quips apply to this spamming adventure. A couple of weeks ago I was feeling pretty low and miserable and was playing with the notion of removing my Xanga account. For the last 4 months every time I want to write in here or even visit others I wind up a fucking mess. It doesn't take much, one small reminder or a thought that touches me when I think about Ann and the next thing I know I'm missing my best friend terribly. Some acrid liquid began seeping from my eyes and it burned as bad as Holy Water, made my mascara run too damn it. Being sad and upset usually leads to a much more dangerous state pretty quickly so I had a real pickle on my hands. I don't let myself stay sad - I channel that emotion to another place where it's molded and shaped into pure unadultrated fury and hatred. It's pretty fucking bad when your own mother just looks at you, sees the monster I've become and runs away in fear. She always used that "if looks could kill" line on me but now things have really sunk to new depths of depravity.
Anyways believe it or not something good actually came from this spam shit. I decided to peek into Xanga early this morning and almost immediately the first post that caught my eye was Bob's -- http://twoberry.xanga.com/ He did a post about these spamming whores as well but as I read it I also remembered many of the great posts he's contributed here. One thing led to another and I began to recall many of my friends, their faces, smiles, characteristics of people. And then, I remembered why I joined Xanga in the first place.
Maybe tomorrow when I sign into Xanga I won't crack up and allow myself to be overwhelmed in misery. I'll still have millions of little reminders tempting me, trying to drag me back to that fucking sewer my mind has resided in the last few months. Guess I'm just going to have to find a way to convert them into something useful. When it comes right down to it -- the spamming sidewinders are partially responsible for leading me out of a very bad place. Maybe I'll call them up, apologize for going berserk last week.
The other day someone asked me how I turned out to be such a mean and contemptable son of a bitch. It was obvious this fucking dirtbag didn't know a damned thing about me. If he did, he never would have asked such a dumb question. Just as the mouthy weasel turned away I sneered at him and gave him a quick reply. "Takes practice Fucked Features. Instead of asking me to educate you about being the prick of misery, why don't you do something useful ~~ like get on your knees and defend your title. I'd give you a fucking slap but, I don't hit women. Fuck off imbecile."
If people around here thought I was an offensive and inhumane prick before they're in for a surprise. I can sink even lower, be all that I can be in a more demented, twisted way. Just when I thought there was no fucking way things could get any worse, they did. In my 55 years on this planet I've seen and done a lot of bad shit that would make some people wretch. Luckily, I must have been born with some sort of built in defense mechanism that shields me from being shaken up by evil deeds, blood and gore, and the cruelty I've witnessed in this fucked up world. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced some people can get by or even flourish by having little or no conscience.
I'm sure everyone already knows this but my take on this is probably a lot more detailed, closer to the truth. Sometimes I think there must be a black cloud following me around or maybe a much more sinister entity that causes shit to happen. On a bright sunny morning a friend standing beside me was electrocuted when we were pulling down the envelope on a hot air balloon. His hands blew off, his feet melted, smoke came out of his ears and nose as the 13500 volts ripped through him. My right hand wasn't 6 inches away from his when he grabbed the silk - got cooked from the inside out like a hot dog in a microwave. Seeing this guy barbecued didn't bug me but what his so called "friends" did later when his family sued is another matter. The lies and bullshit they came up with to protect themselves from losing in court was one of the worst examples of backstabbing I'd ever seen. These fucking low life were friends with this young guy for years. Didn't give a shit about him or his 13 year old kid he was raising on his own.
Ever see a guy get stabbed, have his ear and nose half bitten off, 3 guys kicking his head and ribs in? Blood running down the sidewalk, people walking by, cars slowing down to take a look. Wait a minute! That guy was me! Just one more misadventure on a Friday night after having a couple of beers and dinner with my sister and her hubby after being coaxed out to celebrate their 12th anniversary. I forgot to mention that the guy that tried to kill me had been over to my place not 4 hours earlier and applied for a job working as a concrete laborer. The last thing I said to him was I'd have a pot of coffee on in the morning if he came by or if he wanted, I'd pick him up at his place. By the time the cops and ambulance found me I was on my last legs, just had enough steam in me to stand. The doctors said I'd have croaked in another 5 minutes from losing so much blood, was in shock when they finally got me into emergency surgery.
The above two things aren't quite as shocking as when I found a friend that decided to end it all. Ninteen years old, a kid a lot of people liked just got a bit fucked up one night and decided to shoot himself - with a shotgun - in the head. What a fucking mess. I could go on and mention the guy I saw strangled to death, the guy running around on the highway with the top of his head sheared off after he rolled his car or a number of other gruesome deaths. Believe me, seeing these things in real life is totally different than bullshit on TV too. I can still smell that guy being cooked - hear the other guy choking, remember the taste of blood as it pooled inside my mouth. Fuck all for a silo builder.
"Sometimes one pays most for the things he gets for nothing." (Einstein)
I wonder if Einstein is referring to something as elusive as my soul? If so, this statement would definitely apply to me - it's become evident recently that my payment plan must be in arrears so now I'm paying hand over fist for all kinds of things and the interest added on is a real bitch. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's a foreclosure clause in the deal so I'm expecting to see that guy with hooves, horns, - you know, that fucker with the tail and pitchfork to visit me. The ultimate Repo Man. He's in for a big surprise though. I gave up worrying about him and all of the rest of the bullshit this world can dish out a long fucking time ago. The final straw that broke the Dickdoktor's back came just after Christmas. Since then the perplexities of being a caring person, having any thoughts of decency have vanished from the small reserve I once had. Any remnants of my old hippie, peace loving ways that sometimes popped up have been replaced by the wild, berserk, violent traits that my DNA is full of. My way of coping.
(note to self) I really should have saved that piano solo of Stairway to Heaven ~~~